'Tis the season to drink eggnog, deck the halls, and laugh at the lawyers. Here are some of my favorite lawyer jokes and legal humor that have come my way this year. The intensity of the job of being a lawyer makes it important to be able to laugh at ourselves and to find humor in our chosen profession. I’m glad my friends and clients help me reach this goal.
This year I was fortunate to have a satisfying win at the N.C. Court of Appeals – satisfying because it was especially hard-fought on both sides. That got me to thinking about appeals:
An old lawyer never dies, he just loses his appeal.
Ever wonder what life is like as an appellate judge? The late Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas said, “The right to dissent is the only thing that makes life tolerable for a judge of an appellate court.”
The Chief Justice of a state Supreme Court always scheduled meetings of the judges at 4:30 on Friday afternoons. All the junior judges complained privately. Finally, one judge found the courage to ask the Chief why he scheduled meetings at that time. The Chief replied, “That’s the only time I know you won’t argue with me.”
A couple is called to heaven not long before they were to be married (don’t shed tears, it’s made up). At the pearly gates, they ask St. Peter if they could still get married. St. Peter says to wait while he finds out. They waited and waited – for two months. Finally, St. Peter returned and told them, yes, they could still get married. Hedging their bets, the couple asked St. Peter if it would still be possible to get a divorce if it didn’t work out. Exasperated, St. Peter exclaimed, “It took me two months to find a preacher up here – how long do you think it’s going to take me to find a lawyer?!”
On a different day, St. Peter tried to welcome a lawyer to heaven, but the lawyer protested. She said, “I’m only 35. I’m much too young to have died and come to heaven.” St. Peter looked at his heavy ledger book and said, “You must be mistaken. By all the hours you have billed your clients, you must be 103.”
Which reminds me of one of my favorite lawyer jokes. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?
My annual disclaimer is that I am lucky enough to have friends and clients who send me lawyer jokes. I often don’t know where they originated. If I know a source, I list it. I don’t have the talent to have written them myself, so I don’t claim they are mine.
To everyone, enjoy the holidays, and get ready for a great 2019!
Kim K. Steffan is an attorney with Steffan & Associates, P.C. in Hillsborough. She can be reached at 919-732-7300 or firstname.lastname@example.org.